A New Opportunity!
Posted on: July 23, 2010
**WARNING** This is ANOTHER long entry so hold on!**
So begins a new day in the life of Amber and it all starts off with a cup of coffee and a pack of hot cocoa mix; my own Starbucks mocha, lol. I have some great news to share and an explanation of what brought me to that great news. I didn’t want to let anyone know what I was doing just in case it didn’t work out but it seems something may become of it. Let me start from the beginning.
Tuesday, I was still a little bummed out about the whole American Idol auditions and I was recapping what stopped me from moving to the next round. I realize that I did not introduce myself or talk to the judge at all. I did nothing to show my personality; which is what they were looking for in the people auditioning. None of the people right before me spoke to the judge. None of them got through and there were a couple of good people. This is what, I believe, hindered me from moving up. They weren’t just looking for talent…they wanted a personality too. I look back and remember the people who were moving on actually talked to the judge before/after their audition. But all of this is neither here nor there…it’s over and I’m glad I took a chance and went for it.
I was really stumped on my next move to achieve this dream of mine. See…when I set my mind to something, I am impatient until I get what I want. I’ve always been that way (blame it on The Only Child Syndrome). I really started to rack my brain to figure out something. Then it dawned on me…do a google search. At work, ONE of my nicknames is Google Girl (there’s also The Resident Physician, Amber Lynn, The Time Girl, Fluffy Tuffy, and I’m sure there’s some I don’t know about). I google everything. I am a researcher and I like the facts. If someone wants to know something, and I don’t know the answer, I google it until I find the answer. That’s just how I roll.
Wednesday, I googled “Arkansas talent competitions” and searched for a good 15-20 minutes before I stumbled upon one that looked interesting. I remembered the name of it when I researched the same thing about a year ago, but I was too late last year. It’s called The Great Arkansas Talent Search (or GATS) and it is sponsored by Infrared Studios-Little Rock. They have been doing this every year since 2007. The winner of this talent search get a $3000 cash prize, a recording contract, and a professional photo shoot. I figured I would check it out and see if I was too late…again. I scrolled down and it said auditions are going on now so call to make your reservation. Well…after reading it said the auditions were Thursday from 2 pm – 7 pm. So, I immediately called and they said to come in Thursday (the next day) as soon as I could.
I tried all night to figure out a song. THEY give you 2 minutes to sing (which is much more time to show your skills than 30 seconds). I chose to sing My Redeemer Lives by Nicole Mullens. It’s an old song, but I have won a couple of competitions with it in the past so I thought it would be a good song choice. And I have vowed to sing gospel from now on. I personally think my voice was made for gospel and I do SO much better when I sing it. My passion for music and Jesus seems to be a good combo in a song. Now, I hadn’t even attempted to sing this song in about 6-7 years. So I quickly ran through it and found that I did remember all the lyrics. Shew!
Thursday, I put my black dress on with my black boots and made my hair curly (no way I was gonna duplicate the electrocuted sheep episode). I wasn’t nervous at all throughout the day. Nothing could be as nerve-racking as AI tryouts…nothing. I drove down to the recording studio by Verizon Arena (where the auditions were being held) and arrived there around 5:30 yesterday evening. I walked in and handed them my $50 registration fee and filled out a paper. There were 3 guys; the Executive Producer, the Chief Engineer, and the Executive Director. I have read the stat sheets on these guys and they all come from VERY talented backgrounds. One has a BA in music for vocal and piano performance, the other has a degree in piano performance (I heard him play…he’s REALLY good), and the last guy has 23 years of experience in the entertainment audio industry. These guys know their stuff. They were all so nice when I walked in and we got started right away.
They asked tons of questions to “get to know me”. I told them my story and gave them a brief description of what I have done/accomplished in music over the years. I explained to them that I’m ready to start my music career because I feel like it’s time. When they were finished with the questions they told me to go ahead and start. So I sang they way I know I can. I didn’t hold back and I gave it everything I had inside me. I occasionally glanced in their direction and they were staring at me…with eyes as big as saucers. I’m telling you people…I didn’t know I still had it in me. It’s been SO long since I just let loose like that…I forgot how great it felt. I finished My Redeemer Lives and waited for a response. It took them a minute…they were still staring. Now…I’m just going to tell you what they said. PLEASE don’t take this as me bragging…in fact, I’m uncomfortable even talking about it because it’s not about me. It’s about God. When I sing…I want people to see God through me…not JUST me. I just figure you guys will want to know their comments, so I’ll share a few. The guy with the BA in vocal performance asked me if I’ve had formal training…I said no. Jr. High, High School, and 2 years of college Choir is the only thing I ever did as far as “training” is concerned. He was shocked it seemed. They all 3 said, I quote “You are an exceptional singer”. I laughed at them because I guess I don’t think of it that way. I just said Thank you (while remaining VERY embarrassed cause I’m not good with compliments) and smiled. We talked a little more and the Director asked if I write my own music. I proceeded to explain I used to and just started back not too long ago. Then, he asked me to sing one of my songs. I’VE NEVER SANG ONE OF MY GOSPEL SONGS FOR ANYONE BUT JASON. I was taken back a little and I was scanning my head for one that was almost finished. I came up with “Favored”. It’s pop with a little black gospel mixed into it. I told him the verses weren’t really completed and he told me to just sing part of the chorus. I was really scared at this point because no one else had ever heard my music and I was sure it probably stunk in comparison to what they’ve heard. After I finished they all said they REALLY liked it (I started to breathe again). The Producer then said “Of course, you ARE moving on…no doubt about that”. I think I overdid the Thank You’s after he made that statement. He said, “I can’t wait to hear you sing again in the next round”. And they all said no matter if I “win” this talent search or not they see me recording. They hand out scholarships to the runners-up for studio time which is really cool. I also found out that the winners get a chance to showcase their work in front of BIG record companies. Last year’s winner showcased for Virgin Records…THAT’S HUGE PEOPLE! And the runners-up also get to showcase in some cases.
Now for the kicker. I NEED AN AUDIENCE! The 2nd round is in early September and I have to bring supporters with me to cheer me on (they said audience response is part of the process – along with judges opinions). I don’t know when, where, or how as of yet but I will find out and let everyone know! Pretty sure it’s gonna be in the LR area.
I’m SO excited and I’m SO glad you guys are still interested in my journey (even after the American Idol thing). I think this is going to be so much better for me because I will be able to do my own music while remaining local…for the time being. Say a prayer for me!
Back to the Norm…For now.
Posted on: July 20, 2010
Well…today is my first day back to work since my exciting weekend. I took a vacation day yesterday to recoup from all the festivities I encountered. I would like to thank my biggest supporters: Family, Church, and friends/coworkers. I have already told my family/friends and they were all shocked and disappointed of the outcome of the audition, but I let them all know that I’m ok with the final result. It just wasn’t meant to happen this way and I accept that decision. I had to tell my coworkers today and they are all shocked and disappointed in the outcome too (but Lisa is just upset cause there’s no road trip to Cali in the future, LOVE YOU Lisa!). Next is to tell my church friends that knew I was going, but don’t know how it turned out. This is going to be the hardest I think. I’m not sure why. I think because these people hear me sing almost every week and I don’t want to be failure to them (I know I won’t be, but trying convince myself of that is not easy). I know it may sound ridiculous too, but unfortunately gaining approval is high on my personality list. I learned this information recently because I took a class at work on my personality type. I hate that trait about myself. It causes me a lot more trouble than it’s worth sometimes.
I do have GOOD news though. Just this week…I believe God is starting to place the right people in my life to help me pursue my musical dream. As a result of my American Idol dismissal, I already know of 2 people willing to help me achieve my goals in music. One is a friend, musician, song writer, and musical savvy guru who is going to help me through the beginnings of starting my own singing career. The other person, a Facebook connection, own’s their own studio and is willing to listen to me, give me a chance, and help me out where they can (recording, playing an instrument on my future cd, etc…). Both of these are Godly people, I believe, who want nothing but God’s plan to pan out in my life and in their own (I hope I can be as much of a help to them as they will be to me). I believe they will both be of great assistance to me.
So now I must wait. I hate this part because I feel like I’ve already wasted 10 years of my singing life for nothing. I should have been trying to pursue this years ago. Although, things probably would have been different; I would have been different. I’m just not a very patient person when it comes to something I want (just ask my hubby). I want to do this as a career. I want to sing full-time, make cd’s, and travel. I want to inspire someone to follow their dreams, do what they love, and worship Jesus through it all because that’s what I want to do in life.
The first thing I’m going to do is try and finish the songs I’m writing so that I can make a demo. That is going to take a little time, money, and some resources. I want to do this the way God wants. I want God’s way and my way to line up and be on the same page. Please pray for me in the weeks ahead. Pray that I will have guidance from the Holy Spirit to do what is right and pleasing to him and pray that I have inspiration for my songs. I need to finish them quickly and I know God can help me achieve that goal. I love you guys so much! Thanks for staying with me even after the excitement with American Idol is over. The fat lady hasn’t sang yet, so hold on tight and enjoy the ride with me!
Another Day.
Posted on: July 18, 2010
**WARNING: This will be LONG** Well…sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. When we got back to Laura and Joe’s we crashed and woke up 12 hours later. I can’t remember the last time i was that exhausted. It also didn’t help that I only got 2 hours sleep the night before.
Yesterday was the longest but most exciting day I’ve had in YEARS! It started off at 3 AM when our alarm went off. We went to bed around 12 AM after we straightened hair and chatted with our extended family awhile. However, if you’ve ever had to share a bed (must less an air mattress) with Brittany, you know why I say I only got 2 hour sleep. She’s like a bag of popcorn popping…ALL night long. Luckily, after I almost kicked her off the mattress, she offered to move to the loveseat. Isn’t she sweet?
We got up at 3 AM and started getting ready. We ended up leaving the house at 3:40 AM and arrived at the arena around 4 AM. We were told countless times that the doors would open at 5 AM, but that wasn’t the case. They started filming clips at 5 AM. When we had arrived at 4 AM there were already about 2K people in line. Which it didn’t matter when you got there because we all had assigned seats in the arena. We sat there for another 1.5 hours while they did the taping. Now, my hair is naturally curly (most of you know). Very naturally curly. Brittany straightened my hair the night before and gave me a poof before we left. It looked so cute. By the time we waited in line for 2.5 hours, outside, in Nashville humidity, the back and one side of my hair looked like and electrocuted sheep had exploded. It was not a pretty sight. I found a pick in my purse and “went to town” on it; trying to salvage what I could. It DID help a little.
I had totally forgot my water in the car so after an hour outside I was getting thirsty…and hungry. I found the cereal bar I shoved in my purse and ate it. Then, like Angels from above, the Coke Zero people set up a tent and handed out free cans of Coke Zero. I don’t normally drink soda but I was a little desperate at this point. Plus, at the time, I wasn’t paying $4.75 for a bottled water.
When the arena doors opened, it took us a good 30-40 minutes to actually get through the doors. We found our seats in the arena around 7 AM and plopped right down because we were tired and wanted to be sitting on something more comfortable than the nasty concrete. No one sat next to us for quite some time. They went through pulimonaries and played music while everyone was waiting. About an hour after we sat down we had two girls come sit next to us; Diane and Ashley. Diane was trying out and Ashley was her best friend who came for moral support. Diane was very quiet but very sweet. Ashley was very outgoing and we talked to her a lot during the day. So glad I got to meet those girls! They were awesome! And we’re now FB friends so we can keep in touch! 🙂
Auditions started around 9 AM and it took about an hour per 3 sections to finish the process of auditioning. There were about 20 sections and we were on the tail end of that total. So we had a lot of time to fill.
Around 11 AM we started getting really hungry. Brittany decided to go get some food from the concessions. She had to wait in line for an hour! The concession stands were insane. I will say though, that was the best hot dog I’ve eaten in ages. Probably because I was starving. I ate that thing with lightening speed and I was very sad when it was gone but there was NO way I was going to wait in those lines for another one! I also broke down and bought a $4 bottle of water cause I was so parched.
There were 12 tables sat up for auditioning. Each table had 1 or 2 judges. Tables 3, 6, and 9 were not giving away very many golden tickets. I was floored at some of the people they turned away. We listened to some FANTASTIC people get dismissed. Some cried, some begged, some got mad, and others just took it with grace and walked off. We had very good seats to watch the auditions so we saw everything. These first auditions are not actually taped so you won’t get to see us on TV for that part. 😦
Around 2:30 – 3:00 we were bored and my phone was dying so we went to the hallway to find a plug-in. We found some guys we had met, also from Arkansas, jamming with their guitars so we joined them. That was a lot of fun and helped pass the time. I decided after my phone charged that I’d better go back to my seat and wait because we were getting closer.
By 4 PM I was so sick of hearing people sing and seeing good people get rejected that I was debating on staying. But, I figured I had been there that long that I may as well see it through till the end. Plus, I just wanted to say I did it.
I started to pray for peace because my stomach was in knots. I also prayed and told God that he knows my future and he knows whats best for me so whatever plans he has for my life are the plans I want to follow. I can’t really decribe what happened next because most of you probably wouldnt understand. God has always had a way to confirm things with me when he needs to and I guess he needed to because what happened then, hasn’t happened in a long while. I’ve kinda missed it. Some of you may not even believe me but it’s happened so many times before that I can’t deny it’s accuracy. Call it a “flash of the future” if you will. I saw myself get dismissed and walk away. Now, there have been times I’ve tried to change the visual in my head when this happens but I know it’s not right because it just won’t fit and I won’t have a peace about it. I know…some of you think I’m crazy but that’s ok because this was for me and not you 🙂 It has always prepared my heart for the best or worst. I am thankful God let’s me in on his plan early sometimes.
Our section finally got called at 5 PM. We went downstairs and waited in line. Then, they split us up into groups of 4. The group in front of us got to PICK the table they went to but our group was assigned table 9. We watched as 2 groups of 4 sang and were dismissed. This judge, 1 guy, was completely bored, tired, and probably hungry. He rarely looked at anyone singing and his head was practically laying on the table! I was #3 of 4 to go. I got up and nailed the song. Seriously. I’m not trying to boast but I think I did very well. I even had a couple of auditioners behind me say “Great Job!”…which I was taken back by a little. Then Brittany sang after me and did a good job too. He called all 4 of us up to his table and said…you guys did great but you’re just not what we’re looking for on the show this year. With that, we got our bags and left. I didn’t feel rejected, sad, or mad. I felt relieved that it was over and I could eat and sleep.
We went and treated ourselves to a Mexican Dinner with fried ice-cream for desert (I’ll go back on my diet Monday, promise). And we went back to the apartment and crashed. It was such a long day.
This is not the end of my musical journey. In fact, I can’t go into a lot of detail, but this whole thing may have opened the door for me to record afterall. Details of that will come later. I will just say, God is so good and works things out for the good of those that love and follow him. His ways are not my ways and my thoughts are not his thoughts and I’m so glad for that at times like these.
I learned so much about myself yesterday. I learned that I can have patience and endure till the end. Even in tough situations, I can stand my ground. I learned that I can still be outgoing and that I haven’t lost myself over the years. I also learned that I can do anything I put my mind to. I’m pretty proud of myself for taking this chance to do something out of the ordinary. It did take courage that I thought I lost a long time ago. I met some great people and I really did have a great time. This is one for the memory books, that’s for sure. I’m ok with the outcome because God knows the thoughts he thinks towards me, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give me a future and a hope ( Jer. 29:11).
If you’ve been following I would love to know! Leave a comment on here if you’d like. I’m so grateful for those of you who take the time to read this…it means a LOT to me.
So this is the end of my American Idol journey. I doubt I will try out again in the future. It’s not just about talent to them, it’s about what’s going to bring ratings. It’s sad for those that really have the talent and personailty to make it big and it’s a little deceiving if you ask me (sorry for all you die-hard fans but in my current experience that is my opinion).
On a final note, I would just like everyone to know I did do it; I didn’t make it but, I tried out for American Idol.
“The Eagles Have Landed”
Posted on: July 16, 2010
WE ARE IN NASHVILLE! We arrived around 10:30 last night and went straight downtown to the arena. I wasn’t sure what to expect since the directions online were kinda sketchy about the times they were handing out wristbands. Boy was Nashville hopping last night! The streets were packed out and mostly with people sporting their wristbands. There wasn’t a big crowd at the arena so I figured that they had shut down for the night. I went ahead and asked a girl with a wristband on if she knew anything about the time frame. She said, “They’re doing it 24/7 until Saturday at 8 AM and there is NO line right now”. So Brittany and I walked into the arena and waited a WHOPPING 20 seconds for our turn and it took another 30 seconds to get our wristbands. Shew! The hardest part of the whole thing was when I walked the 1 block in my standard 2″ heels to the arena. I may not have waited in long lines, in the sweltering sun, fighting crowds, but by-golly I have a couple of blisters to prove I suffered for the cause! Ha! So…we didn’t stay downtown long because we figured we’d better get to Laura and Joe’s place before it got super late. We arrived here around 11:30 last night and chatted a while. Of course I’m the oldest out of the house occupants so naturally I went to bed first. Not sure that 26 counts as “old” but obviously it did last night cause I crashed at 1:00 and never heard another thing till I woke up at 9:00 this morning. How wonderful 7.5 hours of sleep felt after driving 6 hours!
So we have Friday to do whatever we want. Maybe we’ll do a little sight seeing. Not to much shopping for me though cause I’m on a tight budget! This was an “unexpected” trip for our expenses so I’m trying to be careful and use my funds wisely. I just hope a really cute purse or pair of shoes doesn’t jump out and attach itself to my arm; begging to be taken home. I can’t resist that kind of desperation very often. 🙂
Well…hopefully my next blog will be tomorrow before/after/during auditions. As of 10 AM yesterday morning they estimated 10,000 people had already shown up to register. Not sure of a final count for yesterday but I’m sure it was high. They lowered the age to 15 for tryouts this year (which I think is a little young for a reality show but who am I to argue?). This has been so much fun already. I’m glad I did it regardless of what comes about. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. I woke up with a sore throat yesterday and it was kinda scratchy all day so let’s pray that resolves itself. And also please say a prayer for my nerves. I’ve never felt them THIS strong before and it’s been making me sorta queasy. I know, I know, it’s kinda silly but I have to remember that this has the potential to be big. Ya never know. Well…that’s all for now. Until tomorrow…
HOLY COW!
Posted on: July 15, 2010
That’s one of my favorite sayings (just ask my hubby). I can’t believe today is already here! I will be leaving for Nashville in a little over 6 hours. Jason isn’t actually going with me. He has to stay and work. I asked my sister-in-law Brittany to go and she gladly obliged. The last trip her and I went on was about 6 or 7 years ago to Louisville, KY and that was a blast! Even though she’s 6 years younger than me, we’ve always had a good time together. She’s one of my favorite people 😉 And THANKFULLY, Brittany/Jason’s cousin Laura is letting us stay with her in Nashville. It’s good to know people sometimes…especially when you can get out of spending money for a hotel for 3 nights! If you’re reading this…THANKS LAURA! I know it’s probably an inconvenience since your dad and his company are coming too. I didn’t know…Sorry 😦
So I’m also on a diet (I’ve lost 10 lbs in 3 weeks). I was on a diet/excercise program a couple of months ago but I quit and gained all my weight back. I’m really trying to stick to it this time! This is just NOT going to be very fun while traveling. I mean, seriously, how much healthy food can you really get at a fast food restaurant? A few things, yes…but it’s practically the same every place you go. I went grocery shopping last night and picked up some low-calorie/healthy snacks so I’m praying that holds me over for the weekend.
I told Kobey (my 3-year-old son) that I was leaving and going to sing in a place called Nashville for the weekend. He got extremely sad and said he didn’t want me to leave him. Let me tell ya…it took everything I had to start packing last night after his little eyes stared at me and his trembling voice said those words. But…it’s just for a few days (I tell myself). It’s good for a break from the “norm” sometimes. Unfortunately, my work schedule doesn’t always allow me to see much of him so the weekends are usually reserved for Kobey and Jason. We are just so busy.
Well…this is getting to be long but I will blog again soon. Maybe after I get in Nashville tonight. Registration is today and tomorrow so we need to get there asap. The earlier the better in fact! The auditions are Saturday and we have to be at the arena no later than 5 AM. I’m SO not an early bird and I definitely don’t catch worms so we’ll see how that goes.
“The Song”
Posted on: July 14, 2010
Well…after much thought, consideration, and practice I have decided on my audition song for American Idol. Now, on FB I gave a list of 5 songs and asked people their opinions. This song wasn’t even on there because I didn’t think about it until after I made the list. I heard it on Pandora and I remembered how much I love the song. Searching online, the suggestion is to have 3 songs in case you are asked to sing something else (which the other 2 I have picked WERE on my list). And the winner is….The Power of Love – Celine Dion (pop). I bought it on iTunes since I couldn’t find my cd I had it on. I actually tried it out on a group of about 8 coworkers and they seemed to like it so that is the official song. The other two songs I have on stand-by are Blessed – Martina McBride (country) and I Will Not Be Moved – Natalie Grant (gospel). I picked these because I will have songs from 3 different genres, if they ask.
Now to pack and get ready to leave tomorrow after work. I have so much to do tonight; work till 5, workout from 5:30 – 7, Church from 7-8, and then I have to go home, do laundry, and pack. Not to mention I have to work tomorrow until 4:30. Everytime I think about auditions, my stomach starts turning. I’m not one to get nervous usually, but this has been an adventure so far. Oh well…I guess my brain understands that this could go either way. I’ve never been one to like rejection either. In fact, I loathe rejection. This is just something I have to accept and remember that rejection is more of the potential than not. Very good singers are let go on these auditions. I watched a YouTube video the other day and believe me…GOOD singers are rejected in every city. So, I’m just trying to remain calm, breathe steady, and trust that God has my back in whatever I do.
I will hopefully be updating regularly, when I remember (and as long as my phone has battery). I understand, though, that if you get to a certain point in the competition you are not allowed to share how far you’ve made it. But if I don’t make it, I will be sure to let everyone know (if I can). If you’re reading this, I’m glad you’re interested in my journey. I only have a few good friends so getting to talk with someone indirectly is kinda fun. Have a wonderful day!
For Starters…
Posted on: July 12, 2010
I’m a status updater, not a blogger so we will see how this thing turns out. This is just an introduction into the reason I’m writing this blog. I hope you don’t get to bored and I’m sorry if this is REALLY long. I tend to be long winded sometimes.
There were two things I loved more than anything growing up: God and music. The second of these is the reason I am writing this blog although the first plays a big part too. There aren’t enough words to decribe the impact music has had on my life. I started singing when I was 2 years old. I grew up singing in church so gospel music is my primary influence. My mom played the piano, by ear, and so that sparked an interest in me to do the same. I don’t feel I can play as good as my mom, but I can pick out songs, play chords, and get by okay…I think. I started branching out and leading worship at my local church when I was about 15. At the same time, I decided to start traveling around to different churches and singing wherever I could find an oppourtunity. By 16, singing was becoming a large part of my life. In 2000 there was a new show on television that was all the rage. You may have heard of it…American Idol??? Well, I watched that show religiously for the first 2 years it was on. Every now and then some one would come up to me and say, “Ya know, you should really try to get on that American Idol show”. Of course, I shrugged it off the first few times because I knew those people on that show were really good. At the same time though, I was young and full of pride and I just knew I could’ve beaten Kelly Clarkson (like I said…young and full of pride). So a year or two went by and I couldn’t stand it anymore so I told my parents I wanted to go and just try. I’m an only child and I’m pretty close to my parents. I will have to say though, I am a daddy’s girl and my dad was and will always be my biggest fan. Don’t get me wrong…my mom was a fan too, but she is more of a “realist”. So, dad and I were going to hop in the car and drive to St. Louis (whatever year that was) and I was going to try out for American Idol. Well…I’m not quite sure what happened, but plans fell through and we didn’t go. I look back now and I thank God I didn’t go. Remember earlier I said “young and full of pride” well…it would have been a disaster if I would have gotten very far in the competition. I was not mature enough to handle something like that and it would have gone straight to my head. So…I just kept doing what I was doing…leading worship and singing where I could.
I ended up getting married when I was 21 to my best friend of 10 years, Jason. His dad happened to be our Pastor and we were very close to his family so things just fell into place. I knew Jason was called into the ministry and I was willing to go with him where ever God was leading him. We became Youth Pastor’s at the first church we went to and every now and then I would lead worship or sing on the worship team. I wasn’t satisfied and I decided to start finding other places to go sing because unfortunately, when you go to a church that has an established music program it is unlikely that you will influence them to move things around to work you into the mix…especially if you feel called to lead worship and there is already a worship leader. It bothered me and I realized then that I still had some “pride” issues to work out. Not as bad as before, but something like that shouldn’t have bothered me as bad as it did.
I got pregnant after Jason and I had been married a year. My pregnancy wasn’t as bad as some, but I was always sick and I was so swollen that I looked like the Michelin Man. My delivery was hard and it was something I never want to go through again. That’s the reason why I am undecided on another baby. If I could be guaranteed that stuff wouldn’t happen again, I don’t think I would mind another child. A couple of weeks after I had my son, I wasn’t feeling 100% but I wanted to try and sing again. So…I opened my mouth to practice and I realized something was wrong. Really wrong. My 4+ octave vocal range went down to 1 octave at best. I tried and tried and tried some more but I couldn’t let out anything more than a squeak when I got to a certain note. If you could imagine one thing you cared about more than anything being taken away from you without warning…well, that’s how I felt. It may seem petty to some, but to me it was part of who I was. Singing was something that had defined me as a person for so long that I was absolutely devastated. I went to the doctor and found out I had Grave’s disease (a hyper thyroid caused by pregnancy). He told me that my thyroid was so large that it could be pressing on my vocal chords and causing the inability to sing. It lasted almost a year and a half. I cried more in those few months than I had in years. I started to slip into depression about 3 months into it (although part was blamed on post-partum, half was because of my vocals). I wouldn’t give up though. I kept practicing and eventually I started seeing some improvement. I prayed to God almost every night and begged him to give me my voice back. If I could sum up this situation in one word it would be humbling. Just what I needed. I am by NO means saying God made me lose my voice. I am saying…he took something that was meant to defeat me and turned it into my victory over pride.
So brings me back to the reason I am writing this blog. I have decided that I am not getting any younger. There are things in life, dreams, that I want to pursue. I don’t want to look back on my life and wonder What If. So this weekend, July 17th, 2010, I am going to Nashville to try out for American Idol. It’s been a long time coming. Do I think I’m going to make it far? The only expectation I have is to have fun and get to say “I did it”. Will I be disappointed if I don’t go far? Sure, but I’ll get over it. What will I do If I do make it far? I hope that I can show people God’s love through the life I live. Am I doing this for fame? No. No. No. Those of you who think that, don’t know me at all. Why are you doing this? Because, this is a oppourtunity to pursue my dream of singing. I don’t have the time/money to do it on my own. What will you do if you don’t make it? I will live my life just like I have been and try to find other avenues to pursue my dream. I want to inspire someone through music; as so many have inspired me.
Journey For A Chance 
