He is enough.

Posted by: amberhines on: June 16, 2015

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I want to share a little something about me so that people may know a little of why I am who I am today. I realize some know parts of my story (sorry for that, lol) but I also realize many don’t. I definitely won’t share it all because, just like most people, I could write a book. I just want to rewind and go back to a few years ago. I’m not saying anything to rehash the past or open old wounds. I’ve moved on and forgiven. However, it plays a small part in my story so it’s significant to my point.

My family and I were very, very hurt in church ministry a few years back. I won’t go into detail but it was a make-or-break ordeal for us. I’m still not quite sure how we survived financially, emotionally, or maritally, except by the grace and mercy of God. During that time, I was hurt. I was bitter. I was mad at God. I was unforgiving even though I was desperately seeking to be a forgiver. I didn’t care about many people or many things. I would spew hateful words out of my mouth without a second thought of who it would touch or affect. I remember losing several FB friends because of the things I said, uncensored and all. I was hurt and I didn’t care who suffered with me. I lost my house, my husband lost his job, my kid was acting out (behaviorally) in crazy ways, and our life was far from a picnic. I fell into depression and gained about 20 pounds. I was a mess. It took every ounce I had left in me (which wasn’t much) to hold on to my faith in Jesus. I questioned God, I yelled at Him, I cried out to Him and still didn’t understand the “why”. I was directly under the storm cloud and couldn’t see the silver lining due to the wind and rain. We struggled. We struggled pretty bad at times (although I know those who have had it much worse). I look back at my old blogs and I just sit in awe of what we went through. It’s a distant memory now but it shaped me into who I am today. There are parts of me, that developed out of these trials, I wish didn’t exist. The inability to trust is one of them. I’m working on this one but it has taken years to even get to the place I’m at now. I see things from a different perspective. I had a very safe, narrow view of the world. I was so naive and sheltered but that all changed. And as much as I hate to admit, it hardened my heart for a long time. But, in the midst of that storm, God was refining me. I didn’t see it then because I couldn’t see passed the pain. I see it now; the before and after. I have been able to forgive and move on from those things but the scars still remain. And sometimes, when a little storm cloud pops up again, I still feel an ache under the scars. But, I’m thankful I am who I am today. I’m stronger, more resilient, more discerning, more humble, and more compassionate than I ever was before these trials. 

Which brings me to my point. I see hurting people everyday on my newsfeed. I hear it in their posts, I sense it in their comments, and I see it through their pictures. I want you to know you’re not alone. I may not know exactly what you’re going through but I’ve been in my own state of desolation a time or two. I can show you my scars so that you will see your open wounds are only temporary. God has never left you nor forsaken you. Even when you feel completely isolated and abandoned, He is there waiting to comfort you. Even if you feel you have nothing left to give, know that He gave it all to be beside you and love you for eternity. His Love is enough. His mercy is enough. His grace is enough for you. Just hold on. 

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